Professor Ished and Luigi nodded gravely as Artie Hosfer finished laying out his problems.
“And since then, Frouch has bitten two other theater students. I can’t let this get out. Tickets sales are bad enough. And of course, I worry about the boy,” he added hastily. “Poor fool’s convinced himself he’s a vampire.” Hosfer held his hands out. “Just get him off the street. I can pay you.”
Ished and Luigi shared a look. It was a theater student. How hard could it be?
Hosfer placed a battered instrument case on the table. Nestled inside lay a hand-cranked phonograph and a wax cylinder labeled APPLAUSE. “He might have the acting ability of plywood, but he’s still a thespian. This should be like catnip.”
Before leaving, Hosfer had informed them that due to his poverty Grontz Frouch, the student in question, had been renting space in a mausoleum to live in. Surely this did nothing to reinforce his mania.
Ished and Luigi decided that they had time to kill before setting off to search for the errant theater student. On the way to the cemetery Luigi felt the irresistible tug of a haberdashery shop. Differences in opinion between himself and the tailor resulted in a brief tussle in which Professor Ished was stabbed with a pair of scissors. Dragging the wounded teacher with him, Luigi beat a hasty retreat.
Recovering by a fountain, Professor Ished noticed a local street youth selling newspapers detailing the latest vampire attack. Both men noted the attack was near the cemetery and the dilapidated Castle Lanser.
As darkness fell, Prof. Ished and Luigi camped out a short distance away from the mausoleums. In the failing light, they noticed a weedy figure stalk out of a crypt, making for the castle. A cape billowed in the occasional breeze.
Closing behind him, Professor Ished lavished praise on Frouch’s commitment to his role. The thin, pimply faced boy sneered at them waving his hands in an attempt at mysticism. “Cower, cower,” he commanded.
The heroes blinked at him. “Well, it’s a good start. You have a respect, for, uh," began Ished. “Tradition,” finished Luigi. He deftly drew the phonograph and started cranking. Applause filled the meadow. Frouch wavered momentarily, drinking it in greedily. Then he turned on his heel and billowed away, disappearing into the nearby Castle Lanser.
As the night filled with the sounds of a poorly played pipe organ, Ished and Luigi made their way up to the theater students lair. The castles huge doors creaked ominously as they opened, and shut behind them. The main hall was strewn with cobwebs, candelabras and ceiling g to floor black velvet tapestries. On the other side, bent over the wheezing pipe organ, was Frouch.
Ished and Luigi drew up close, congratulating Frouch on his playing and his dedication to the role of vampire. He blushed, his face turning an unhealthy mauve under the white face paint.
“Join me at my table,” he invited, gesturing elegantly.
"I do not drink wine," Frouch declared after they were all seated.
"What?"
"I said I do not drink wine"
Ished and Luigi leaned in. "Look you’ll have to speak up, this is a long table. We can barely hear you down our end."
"I said I do not drink! Wine!"
"Well we aren’t either."
Frouch glared and clapped his hands. From the shadows emerged a muddled-looking undergraduate with a fake hump poking out from his top.
"Yethhh mathter," he groaned.
"Igor, Bring refreshment for my guests", Frouch commanded. He turned back to Ished and Luigi. "I never drink wine."
"So you’ve mentioned," Luigi muttered, downing his glass. He tried to get the servants attention for a top off, but the man was nowhere to be seen.
"Well I think this is really interesting," said Ished politely. He had produced a small pocket notebook and made a show of jotting things down. He had the idea of a newspaper article, no…a research paper. It would get him back into academia. He would call it Interview With A Theater Student.
Caught up in his plan, Ished did not notice Frouch draw closer to him. Suddenly the undergraduate was leering in his face, flashing poorly applied fake fangs. The theater student struck, biting at Ished’s neck.
Luigi sprang into action, polishing off Ished’s glass of wine and placing the would-be vampire into a chokehold. Clasping a hand to his gushing wound, Ished brought his knee up into Frouch's groin.
There was a soft wheeze and a crumpling. Professor Ished and Luigi cast about the room for something to restrain Frouch with. Bundling him up in the tablecloth, they made for the exit.
As they pulled the heavy wooden doors open, a sharp crack filled the air. Behind them Igor stood holding a pair of pistols, one smoking.
"That wath a warning thot," he growled. "Put my mather down."
"Piss off, weirdo," hurled back Luigi, diving through the door with Frouch over his shoulder.
Ished scrambled after him as the second pistol went off.
Within the hour Ished and Luigi were beating down Hosfer’s door. Bleary-eyed, he opened the door wide enough for them dump Frouch unceremoniously on the floor.
As Luigi pressed the case for more money, Hosfer cleaned the bite on Ished’s neck. The professor muttered his thanks, distracted by the strong pulsing of Hosfer’s jugular…
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